How to Love: By Apologizing

Therefore, confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed. James 5:16

Healing comes not only by admitting guilt to yourself, but also to others. Confessing sin in general to those close to you brings healing, but specific to this post, confessing sins done against another by apologizing brings healing. Recently, God has shown me a new way of humbling myself that I'm extremely bad at. It is admitting fault and asking for forgiveness. I am terrible at this because I hate admitting that I messed up, that I am wrong, that I am still broken.

But it is so so paramount to clarify misunderstandings and apologize when you mess up (or when you have not messed up but have upset your brother unintentionally). Love is sacrificial and does not think of itself, but about others. It wants to serve others and correct any quarrel or false impression regardless of personal discomfort.

The first step in apologizing involves admitting guilt to yourself. I am a pro at not saying sorry because I 'wasn't really guilty.' A humble spirit is quick to admit fault so beware of being overly eager to not apologize. It is easy to think that your words did not cut as deeply as they seemed, that your intentions were not as bad as they came across in your actions, or that the offense was too small to be remembered. But it is always better to be over-apologetic than pridefully stubborn and 'right.'

In any relationship, the question is not whether an offense will be made, but how the offense will be handled. We all mess up. In every relationship. Continually.

We need to be able to fully accept this so that we will be prepared to respond humbly. Apologizing makes you vulnerable because you are admitting weakness and although being vulnerable is hard, there is freedom in being known (the bad with the good) and still loved. Sometimes people will choose not to forgive. Though full restoration may not come to the relationship, there is still personal healing in the apology. Peace comes from knowing that you did all you could to restore the relationship and love the other person by letting go of personal rights and pride. Our Father takes joy in our humility because it brings us closer to Him. Whether you are forgiven by the person or not, remember that your Father in heaven is quick to forgive. He knows you and loves you deeply and this should bring peace.